she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize