dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
