I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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