No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
