A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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