i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
