He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he thought i was a dude.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
