Heybabeimwearingurpanties
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
