1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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