I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
