You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
