you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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