He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
