It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
