I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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