I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
