I didn't shave. On purpose
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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