we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
