What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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