He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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