Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
