It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
