Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
