Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We are two peas in an std pod
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
