I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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