Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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