Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
