i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
