I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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