I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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