weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The best revenge is premature balding
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
