Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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