called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
