question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
