some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
