I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
