Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
