K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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