One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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