My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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