He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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