She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
