I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
