Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
