btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
