Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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