Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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