yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
