Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
