Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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