watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
