We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
