I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I am mentally ready for anal.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
