You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
