when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
