careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
