I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
