When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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