Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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