Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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