so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
