We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
